Unrequited
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: They knew they were just filling in gaps left by people too big to be replaced. They knew that given half the chance the original couple would come together again. Because they would never be good enough. SasuNaru, unrequited Suisasu, Sainaru.


Unrequited

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto **

**Summary: They knew they were just filling in gaps left by people too big to be replaced. They knew that given half the chance the original couple would come together again. Because they would never be good enough. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

_Sai_

I love Naruto.

He is the only one I've ever loved, perhaps. My brother was a brother, Danzou-san is a master, my parents are unrecognizable shadows in some half remembered childhood memory.

I've convinced myself that he loves me back, but sometimes, late at night when he sleep-cuddles up to me, I see a flashing vision of another man. He has my pale skin, the same black hair, the same dark eyes…but he is not me. Those eyes can change to ruby; the hair is styled in ridiculous spikes, and the voice is tinged with a condescending amusement that I do not possess.

To Naruto, he is perfection. To me, he is a rival, one I constantly battle with no hope of ever winning.

The blond mewls in his sleep, and I wrap myself tighter around him.

_Dream of me, _I plead wordlessly, knowing he never has, knowing he never will.

Sometimes, I'm so angry with him. How _**dare **_he take over my heart so completely and not even offer me a niche in his? How _**dare **_he let me love him touch him, when with every brush of our skin the name in his head is _**that **_man's. I want to break away from him, run away and wound him just to see his eyes showing an emotion—any emotion for me.

But I can't. my love for him rises up and overwhelms me every time, and I convince myself that everything is perfect, and he wants me, needs me, just as much as I ache for him.

My mind forays forlornly into our future: he is Rokudaime, and I am ANBU captain. Nothing significan

t would change. I would still have no place in his heart. He cannot learn to love me when he already loves another with every last atom in his body.

I nibble at his neck now, here, in the present. He stirs, and then drops back asleep.

I will never slacken my grip on him. I follow him closely on missions. I am terrified to leave him alone, because I never know when he will run…when he will choose _**Sasuke **_over me, when he will leave me behind. So I never give him a window.

"I love you," I whisper to him.

"I love you too." His voice is slumber-clouded, but sincere.

Liar.

No, not a liar. My name wasn't at the end of that sentence. The name he said in his mind hands over my head ominously.

_I love you too…Sasuke. _

He never says my name. When we make love, I am glad that he doesn't. I can pretend he's screaming it in his head. I can imagine that it's the feel of my tongue on his skin that arouses him, that he's all mine, that he loves me.

But in the end, I am only a replacement.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

_Suigetsu_

I'm not stupid. Whoever you may have been talking to, whatever they told you…I'm not stupid. I know Sasuke doesn't really want me.

But why do I have to face that, why do I have to own up to it or accept it? It's so much easier, so much better to believe that whenever he seeks me out, he wants me for me, for the way I make him feel, the way I touch him and not because I'm just a way to distract himself.

He's suffered. I know.

The truth about his brother left him more shattered than anyone could ever guess, but I know. His first instinct was to run back to Konohagakure, where his old team—his old _**lover **_waited with open arms. Where they'd protect him from all the ugliness of the world, where he could pretend there is nothing wrong with his life.

He didn't, though. He chose to stay, because he was too proud to admit that he'd done wrong. He chose me.

Or so I keep telling myself.

The thing is, his old lover had taken a new one. Sasuke was pissed at him for being unfaithful. When I pointed out that they'd been broken up for three years, and it was about fucking time the blond moved on, he lashed out at me with the Chidori Nagashi. I hurt for weeks. Not because of what he did, but what I saw in his eyes before he did. Something I've never associated with him before.

Fear.

Sasuke _**loved **_him. He loved the monster the nine-tailed monster, he loved Naruto.

Not me.

That night, that same night was the first of many nights. He crawled into my bed, and asked me to fuck him. I did as I was told. I tried to think of it as just another order to follow, but it was impossible. I loved him.

And he loved Naruto.

He bites his lips so hard they bleed, and I lap up the crimson liquid as he comes for me. He comes for _**me. **_That's what I like to think, because to think anything else would hurt too much. I delude myself everyday, and I tell him I love him everyday, hoping he'll one day say it back.

He hasn't so far.

Well, I respect him for not lying at least.

There are times when I see the end of unhappy lives together: destroying Konoha, or die trying. Dying in battle, back to back.

'He slides under the covers, his knee pushing painfully in my groin.

"Fuck me," he commands, his eyes closed. I try to picture what he's seeing in his head: my body, my hair, my eyes. My nakedness. But the picture changes. My skin goes tan, my hair goes blond, my eyes go blue. So I stop thinking, and I fuck him, and I swear I will never let him go. I swear he will always be mine. I swear to myself he will never go back to the blond baka that let him go. I swear to myself that he loves me.

He bites back a name, and I know its not mine.

Because, after all, I'm just a replacement.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Ooooh. Angst monkey attack! **


End file.
